08 October 2007

Awful Roster Pictures, Western Conference

It's that time of year. I am firmly of the opinion that roster pictures are of the devil, but they're a necessary evil, at least. Like, Anaheim's roster pictures look like they've been taken from about twenty feet away, which is totally warranted, because I don't think the photographer wanted to get any closer. God knows I wouldn't. Sometimes I think the photos are taken like they do at the DMV, where they just take the photo and don't give you any warning to get your face in shape. That would account for a lot, actually, a lot of players have that mouth-hanging-agape thing going on, the "I have no thoughts in my head" approach.

Some guys just look weird. Yanic Perreault looks like he's plotting an evil caper, and Milan Hejduk is clearly his deranged partner-in-crime. Actually, I think the Avs hired an ex-DMV photographer, or a magician, because darned if they don't all look so SURPRISED!!!! at the picture being taken. Take Tyler Arnason (although I understand if you'd rather not). He actually looks frightened by the photographer. Maybe the photographer is asking them really difficult questions? Jose Theodore looks similarly confused.

Other teams maybe didn't have the same problem. Clearly Gilbert Brule couldn't be confused if his life depended on it. He's too busy sculpting his hair into a helmet that can withstand even rays from outer space. Dwayne Roloson was a little bemused by the whole picture-taking process.

Manny Legace clearly ate well over the summer, and fellow goalie Niklas Backstrom had an unfortunate incident with a Flowbee. Teammate Branko Radivojevic fell victim to the stupidest facial-hair trend on the planet. Sami Salo became your weird uncle, the one who shows up to Christmas with strings of lottery tickets for everyone instead of presents and doesn't own a comb.

It's a wild, scary place out there for a hockey player with bad hair. The Eastern Conference must have a terrific wind problem slash tragic photographer shortage, because they're even worse, and they're up next.

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