14 October 2007

The All-Illinois Team

Before I came to university in Canada, I lived peaceably in Illinois, specifically in the Chicago suburbs, being a long-distance Sens fans and learning to tolerate the Blackhawks, and maybe kind of enjoy them once in a while. However, there's always a big emphasis, no matter where you are, on the Local Boy Makes Good story. There are actually more players than you might suspect who were born in Illinois. It's true! Which is why I give you the All-Illinois Team


Bates Battaglia, from Chicago, currently with the Leafs. He is the grandson of a semi-famous Chicago gangster.


Chris Chelios. The most badass of all defencemen. The oldest player in the league. A Chicago guy, he attended Mount Carmel high school, which is in the same conference as my own high school, and was actually drafted by the Habs. He was outstandingly awesome playing for Chicago, and after he got traded to Detroit he didn't have to carry the team any more and was able to put up good numbers. A stand-up guy. I'd want him playing for my team any day. Plus, if I didn't mention him, he would come stomp me.

Brett Lebda. Another Wings player from Buffalo Grove, Illinois. It says his nickname is "The Lion Among Men," but I'm going to be inclined to take that with a grain of salt. I'm sure he's an imposing guy and all, but he's 5'9. He has hair like a mop. Really.

Joe Corvo. Uh, Joe Corvo is kind of a special guy. He's from Oak Park. He plays for the Sens and has really, really tragically trashy hair--he has a blond fauxhawk, okay? And, one time in Boston he punched a woman in the face in a restaurant, and then kicked her. This is true. And, "Corvo" sounds like a nickname already, like maybe what a loser would call their Corvette. "Yeah, gotta take my Corvo down and get it tuned up, maaaan!"

Tom Preissing. Tom Preissing is my homeboy. Tom Preissing was born in the same town I went to high school in. He is a very decent player and a hilarious guy. He looooooves the camera, loves it, wants to marry it, and does hilarious interviews. I miss Tom Preissing in Ottawa, although he really wasn't a necessary component and the Sens have fine defence already. Still...he was funny.

Andy Wozniewski. Another Buffalo Grove player. Weird, eh? And, he has never been drafted.

Craig Anderson. First of all, I love Craig Anderson. I think he is awesome. He is from Park Ridge, but grew up in Barrington. He was drafted by Chicago in 2001 and played a little bit for them, and now he may actually have a shot at the top spot in Florida. Craig Anderson is a tall skinny blond guy (6'2, 174) and TSN ranks one of his major assets as a "positive demeanor." Craig Anderson rules.

Okay, so it won't be a very good team. And a little heavy on the defence. But so what? Maybe we can get jerseys made with Lincoln's head on them. Lincoln's head, a stalk of corn, and maybe the Sears Tower. Or maybe my jersey design needs a little work.

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